Reflections on a Break Up

I write this, early in the morning as I stare out the window of my friend's home. He tied one on last night pretty good and is sleeping that off in the rest of the house.


I woke with a heavy heart, and look out the window, at the grey sky unfolding without end. Raindrops coming down, sometimes driven sideways,  with the gelid steely sting, that they deliver up here at 6200ft up.  If it is 70 at sea level, it will be somewhere around 40 or so at this height.  The point is, those folks in places like Minnesota, the Dakotas, and Wisconsin, do not have the market cornered when it comes to shitty weather.




The cold grey rain reminds me of time I spent in the Pacific Northwest.  I was depressed there, a lot, and today will certainly be a day with some sadness.


I split up with my girlfriend of ten months yesterday.  I am trying to look on it as a learning experience and focus on where my life will go from here.  I have no trouble finding a positive direction.  I have a job, great friends, and I live in a beautiful place.  I have made some big changes over the past year.  I gave up cigarettes nearly completely( maybe 8 smokes since I stopped daily smoking in January), and came to terms with a psychological injury that I received, gradually, over my childhood.  I lost a lover, and a friend. I learned some lessons,  and I also got a syllabus, for the next step in my education. 


 Class title, "Healthy Emotional Response for Homo Sapiens".  It is not even a 101 level course.  It is remedial for most.  I never had it shared with me as a child, so I have been learning it, piecemeal, over the years. 


The more I know people and the longer I live, I realize things about love.  It is that most mercurial of emotions.  It defies holding, and shape.  I only know what it doesn't include.  I learned that through trial and error. I will be getting in touch with my shortcomings now. I only think of the lady and wish her well.  I used the Latin word for infant when describing our affair, and now I know why. I am an infant when it comes to this ability.  A toddler, taking those shaky steps. 


  I know that love is this, it is helping someone, as much as you can.  It is doing the best thing you could for them, all of the time. It only works if you are doing it for yourself first.  If not, you can really hurt people and yourself included.


The real goal of the class is not a piece of paper, or a degree.  It is a lifetime of happiness, little regret, and great memories. It is filled with the laughter and  vibrancy of loved ones.  It is big enough for each person to feel safe.  It is filled with love.  


That's all you get from this class, no degree, no ceremony, no fanfare.  A long happy life, full of happy people.  The alternative is solitude, and that really is only a small piece of the puzzle. 


Forward, with caution.


Jim Dunnigan

Dark Thoughts on a Sunny Spring Day

I drive through the south 
And the thoughts start to spill
All of the slaves tortured, raped, beaten and killed.
Their souls infest this astral plane
Forever tortured, they will not remain.


Their stories will fill my ears.
I sniff the air for the faintest notion of their pain.
I’ll try to give them a voice,
 Silent so long they have lain

I look at the swamps, their bodies were slain
I see the trees, hung bodies, hugged at the knees
Hold the body steady, while I cut it down
Look at the blood, all over the ground.


Let’s not lie, and say hatred is past
I think that there still are
Many questions to be asked.

I won't give that back

(MAYBE 20 minutes, that's how long this took)

Just like they told me
I played my part
You smiled at me  
You woke up my heart

I think our eyes met
We shared our secret
I told a near  truth
And you believed it 

Now we hold hands 
We walk together
 And We stay on course
Through stormy weather

I met your family
I met your  Mother 
Aunt, sister and brother
I only care
To have no other.

I like your long legs
They’re nice to touch and squeeze
I got some special  needs
That you sure do please
(smoke ‘em if ya got em right about now)

Now we hold hands 
We walk together
 And We stay on course
Through stormy weather


It’s not only 
‘Cause you are so fine
It’s   ‘cause    your heart’s pure
 It’s   ‘cause   your love shines
I wake up grateful
“cause you are mine.

I looked a long time 
I didn’t find you

I hope that I never 
Try to bind you

I think now
About dimensions
I think now
About what we won’t mention
Our love is freedom
No one can fence in

Now we hold hands 
We walk together
 And We stay on course
Through stormy weather



I found passion
I found a partner
To teach me much more
I do impart her. 

Now we hold hands 
We walk together
 We stay on course
Through stormy weather

We are the stars in the sky
The ocean is not greater
Love IS the Tsunami

OFF THE CUFF

When did we turn our back on our brothers? 
When did we turn our back on our sisters?
The starving person is your brother, no other
The mother who lost her house, is your sister, mister.


This is the land of the bold, free , and brave
This is the land whose armies called
This is the land whose mothers gave

This is the land that leaves clear cuts bald.


Spill oil in the gulf, so what
Look at health care for children,
Some Congressmen see a place to cut.
They should just work harder, or better yet, 
if their folks don't have the right papers, they can leave.
DREAM ACT??  Cheap Labor is what the rich need!


Let's live up to the words of Lady Liberty
That awesome gift from France
Let's let hungry people come here, 
and let's give ALL A CHANCE


Take a few dimes from the fat cat
give some love to those that ain't got it like that
What the fuck is the problem
You'll just jail , and then rob them


Time for us who have had enough
time to go and do some stuff
It won't be easy
The road is rough


The one percent thinks they don't have enough


I MADE THIS SHIT UP...RIGHT OFF THE CUFF!

Big Mind

I've got a big heart
I've got a big Mind
I wear a big watch 
'cause I tell big time


I've got some big feet
I could wear big cleats
I've got a big nose
You should see my big toes


I've got some big hands
so I need big gloves
the thing that's ALL YOURS
is my Big love

my big mouth 
takes some big bites
my big mouth
starts some big fights


My big eyes
like big blue skies
my suits have big ties
I like your big thighs



I've got some big hands
so I need big gloves
the thing that's ALL YOURS 
is my Big love

St Charles Stream of Consciousness

      Hello, this is a holiday weekend.  A centuries  old celebration of spring, and rebirth, and family, is being  explained and honored in countless milleu, containing countless myths.  To me this holiday is about all of those things, and none of them. The themes are there, and they're important. The archetypes are positive, and the mood is good.  The other explanations about what I am thinking are somewhat personal, and should be kept that way.


     I do think that life is just a serious of relationship attention.  I must work on the relationships I have, including the one with myself.   I seem to spend the endless current of seconds, either working on improving, or eroding, the relationships I have in my life. I can be self destructive, so I can ruin these just as easily as I can cultivate them.

     I had the intention of cultivating them, or at least with one person in particular, as I drove away from the interstate and followed the St Charles River along Burnt Mill Road, in Pueblo, CO.  It was sunset, and early spring, after a few moist days.  A place that was at once, peaceful and timeless.  The vistas were: to the right; a long, misty, horizon with peaks going back and back and back into the warm, ocean-like light that is the sunset's edge. The other directions contained green valleys, craggy river bluffs, and some snow capped mountains that had the appearance of grey piles of cake with frosting dripping down the sides.

The valleys contained a flock of deer that were at least 50 in number, there was a flock of turkeys, and I spotted a cow, and a newborn calf, relaxing after their introduction to one another,  along a secluded cliff wall.  Mother Cow stared me down, and I unrolled my car window and assured her I meant no harm to herself, or her newborn.   I must have had that guilty look on my face, 'cause she got up, and stood between me and her calf, never straying in her gaze at my pupils for even an instant.  I drove on. 


I try to call the person I want to speak with. They are very busy.  I decide to talk to them anyway, and take pictures of what I am seeing.  They are still alive so I can share this with them.  It will become the next best thing to them actually being there.


I harbor no illusory notion that life will always contain happiness. I also know the only constant thing is change.  I am sad now, and I will not stay that way. I also am looking at one of the most beautiful spots on earth, at this moment, this day.  It could be a helluva lot worse, I mean, it has been.  Much love to the world.  Jim  Peace OUT!

Dodging Traffic, Snakes, Gators, Eating Flies, Getting Home, and Other Perceptions on the World.

    I was an arcade kid. No other way to explain it.  I had a lot of crap going on when I was a kid, a teen ager.  Life was primarily spinning out of control, not sure why, other then I was a teen ager, and it kind of happens like that sometimes.  I do know where I felt happy, and free, as a kid though.  The local arcade. The beeps, laser sounds, and music, along with friends from school, and elsewhere, turned the arcade into a sanctuary,.
Today as I played Frogger, I thought about life, and why the thoughts that require you to do well at Frogger can also be applied to life. I too, pondered all the ways I have put to rest that angry, rebellious, self destructive kid of so many years ago.
       The last part is clear.  Today, I work hard, I try to be nice to people, I obey the law, I help others as much as I can, and I treat myself, as well as I treat everyone else. I have come to terms with all the things that drove that scared teen to do all the things I did.  I don't need to get into that here.  It's my story, and your story would be different, at least with regard to specifics.  The generalities are similar, and that is at the core of the human creative process. Reaching out and finding something someone else knows, because they have thought, felt and lived, something close to the thing you are dealing with.
     Now on to the fun part.  Frogger. A very rudimentary video game from 1982 or something like this.  A frog, crossing a busy highway, and a hazard laden stream, to go home, and be with the other frogs.  Simple.  Like life.  We all have obstacles in our way, on our path, every day.  We have semis wishing to run us over, we have fast sports cars that might not even see us, and we have drivers who go slow enough to be in tune with flow and chi of life. We have turtles to carry us when we need to be carried, logs to land on to help us float along, and we all have things that will consume us, if we are not diligent in  dodging them.

    The best part is, it's a FREE app!  No more scrounging for change...those coins are hard to come by when you're a kid....Peace